A Woman’s Guide to Getting Through a Divorce
May 22, 2024
Divorce is considered one of the most stressful life challenges a person can face. If you think about it, it’s essentially the loss of a future you thought you had. It will inevitably cause a period of grieving, which is to be expected and is normal, even if you are the one who initiated the divorce. It will cause considerable stress, even if it’s amicable, and that stress takes a toll on you in several ways, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Especially chronic stress, which those going through a divorce often face.
Here are two important facts we know about stress:
- Stress-related illnesses account for about 80% of all doctor’s visits
- Stress directly contributes to 50% of ALL serious illnesses
Given those stats, it’s no wonder that a highly stressful event like divorce can wreak total havoc on our system. But with the right tools, support group, and mentors to guide you, you can manage the stress of divorce and significantly minimize its impact on your life and body.
Your Guide to Health and Healing
The following is what I like to call a woman’s guide to health while getting divorced. It’s a primer about how the stress of divorce affects us, which will hopefully help you understand more of what’s happening to your body during this challenging time. Or, maybe more accurately, what COULD happen to your body if you aren’t able to regulate your stress levels. Think of it as another tool in your coping toolbox. After all, when we are armed with more information, we can do more to seek out and put in place the systems and behaviors that can help combat the negative effects from challenges we face.
Ways Chronic Stress Affects Your Body
There are many kinds of stress, and some level of stress in our bodies is normal (and believe it or not, good for us). But with major traumatic life events like divorce, stress can become chronic, and that is when it becomes very problematic. The following are a few examples of how chronic stress affects our organs and systems.
Brain
Stress triggers a chain reaction in your brain by triggering your hypothalamus (the part of your brain that keeps you feeling stable), which then sends orders to your adrenal glands to release cortisol and adrenaline. Chronic stress can cause long-term changes in the structure and function of the brain, which can then contribute to mental health issues and literal brain damage. Research has also shown an association between chronic stress and increased risk of depression, anxiety, insomnia, and even dementia.
Weight
Stress is not your friend when it comes to your weight. In fact, if you find you’re gaining weight easily, yet losing it seems near impossible lately, there’s a good chance the culprit is stress. Stress (particularly chronic stress) can slow your metabolism and increase cravings enough to add over ten pounds to your body EVERY YEAR! Additionally, when you’re stressed, your body clings to fat as an emergency resource, making weight loss even more difficult.
Immune System
Research confirms there is a strong stress-autoimmune connection. As a result, autoimmune conditions (i.e., thyroid problems, arthritis, psoriasis, and inflammatory bowel issues) kick into high gear during stressful life events like divorce.
Thyroid
Chronic stress can be particularly damaging to the thyroid gland in multiple ways. For example, stress decreases your conversion from T4 (inactive) to T3 (active), which can trigger autoimmune thyroid problems (such as Hashimoto’s and Graves’ disease). And if you already have existing thyroid issues, chronic stress will exacerbate them.
Gut
Have you ever heard the gut referred to as ‘the second brain’? It got that name because there is a direct connection between these two systems. For example, that mood-boosting hormone serotonin? About 95% of it is made in the gut. It should come as no surprise that stress is linked to gastrointestinal conditions like IBS, GERD, and ulcers.
Heart
Stress is a major risk factor for metabolic conditions – like high triglycerides (too much fat in the blood), high cholesterol and high blood sugar – which all raise your risk of heart attack, heart disease and weight management challenges.
Eyes and Ears
Twitching eyelids? Ringing in your ears? Vertigo? Legs feeling restless at night (particularly when you’re trying to sleep)? Yup, it could be more effects from chronic stress. Stress can lead to nutrient deficiencies, particularly those like magnesium and Vitamin B, which are linked to, among other things, your muscles.
Adrenal Glands
There’s a good chance you’ve heard the term ‘adrenal fatigue.’ It’s become more common in our conversations, especially as it relates to the body and stress. We naturally have a fight-flight-freeze response, which has ensured our survival in life-threatening situations for millennia. However, when we are consistently stressed (which can happen during a major life event like divorce), our body thinks it’s in danger constantly, which means it continues to pump out cortisol (the stress hormone) to ‘protect’ us. This can lead to many serious issues, even including damaging neural pathways to the brain and causing adrenal fatigue.
DNA
Our DNA strands contain these handy little pieces called telomeres, which could be described as end-caps to our chromosomes. The longer our telomeres, the longer the lifespan of the DNA strand (which, in turn, means the longer our lifespan). Many things can shorten telomeres, but one of the worst offenders? Chronic stress.
So, What Now?
As you can see, chronic stress is something best avoided. I know, easier said than done. Especially when your life feels like it’s been turned upside down and inside out. Your recovery from the trauma of divorce (because yes, it is a trauma) will not happen overnight. In fact, there have been four phases identified with divorce recovery - acute, acceptance, adjustment, and healing – and it just takes time to recover overall. That recovery will require buy-in from you by way of a commitment to learning and applying positive coping skills, including getting the help you need.
Never fear! There are tools and teachers out there who can help you through this process and assist in mitigating the effects of stress so you can minimize the damage on your mind, body, and soul.
Some helpful coping mechanisms include:
- Reaching out to loved ones
- Expanding your circle of friends
- Trying out new routines
- Taking time for, and reconnecting with, yourself
- Working with a professional
- Practicing acceptance
- Spending quality time with your children, if you have them
- And, along that note, creating a co-parenting schedule
Other helpful tools include getting out into nature, meditating, yoga, and keeping a gratitude journal.
Yes, they may sound trite. They may sound simple. Many of them are. But the research shows they ARE effective. Will they solve everything? No. Nothing solves everything. They will, however, soften the blow. And every little bit helps!
An Important Reminder
Divorce can be hard, plain and simple. It can hurt and be sad. But there is a silver lining. While divorce can be devastating in many ways, it can also be incredibly liberating. It’s a prime time to revisit who YOU are as an individual, tend to your needs and nurture your mind, heart and soul. I encourage you to give yourself grace during this difficult time and remember to nurture and take care of YOU!
Get Help!
With that in mind, you shouldn’t struggle through this challenging time alone. Not only should you not feel bad about seeking help, I highly encourage you to do so. Healing works best when it isn’t done alone.
I can help you learn a variety of methods to effectively manage your stress and improve your physical and mental health. Book a call to learn more about our Total Transformation Program and let’s discuss how I can help you navigate this challenging time.
